To Keep an Angel: Two Sides of Sacrifice
by midnight57
Summary: This is my first fic. I know those words make your stomach turn but it won third place in a Sacrifice contest on another site so it can't be that bad. It was going to be just silly but it actually has some substance now, so here you go.


Disclaimer: I'm not, I don't, Do we have to rub it in?

To Keep an Angel:  
Two Sides of Sacrifice

As the blinding anguish ebbed to a pulsing murmur of pain in the very core of my sternum, I began to straighten out my body for the first time in three days. Though there was no pain from taut muscles, no cramps, or normal aches you may expect after being in one position for a prolonged period of time, there was a sharp jolt in the bowels of my stilled heart. For as I began to make out the faces surrounding me, my new family whom I loved so dearly, two were missing, one being the one I most needed, and expected to see at this moment.

"Where is Edward?" I tried not to let the panic and disappointment sneak into my voice but I got the feeling it was futile, especially with Jasper less than five feet away.

"He and Alice went to stage your death. We will have to leave by the end of the week and we need time to attend your funeral." Esme explained.

That hit me like a brick. I was so ready to be happy when I woke up, I would be with Edward and the rest of OUR family forever, but that was not where my thoughts were now. Now, of all times, I was thinking about Renee and Charlie. Of course I had known this was what was necessary, but it was so much more real now. I would never see them again, or Jacob. Or at least they wouldn't see me. I could handle my end of this deal well enough, but now I wasn't the one suffering. They hadn't agreed to this, but this is how it would be. I was dead. My heart was silenced, and all those I care about, but for the few living in this house, would be mourning me by this time tomorrow.

"Well too late for second thoughts." I was mumbling softly to myself, but it was my dear brother Emmett who, oh so lovingly reminded me what I had traded my previous life for.

"Remember Bella, you can endure Hell. You get to keep your angel with you."

It was a sentiment I had thought a lot about during the last year of my mortal life, the one phrase I heard in my head every time I had doubted my decision, every time my convictions had wavered. Somewhere in the gruesome turmoil of the last few days it had been lost in the deepest part of my mind. Now, hearing it from it's source, my eyes would have flooded over with joyous tears, had I retained the ability to cry.

"No Emmett, I get to keep seven."

I smiled up at him from my place on the floor. He was sitting on a large body pillow next to me. No one had been able to settle on a good location for the change to take place. I thought of the meadow but they feared that might invite trouble if the werewolves or Victoria decided to make any unexpected appearances. The couch was out, Edward surmised it was not sturdy enough to hold up under my thrashing. Looking back at the last few days, I would have to say he was right. It would be mulch by now. In the end we had all settled on compiling a mound of pillows in the center of the floor in Edward's room. He wanted me to be as comfortable as possible during the rare moments that I wasn't writhing enough to put a whole coffee can of earthworms to shame. Just as I was remembering the trivial events of my last day of humanity, my thoughts were interrupted by a gusting whir of black, white and carmel.

"Bella you're up, and coherent!"

Alice immediately had her arms fused around me in an inescapable hug. I now realized how much she, and all of them for that matter, had been holding back when I was human. I'd have to commend them on that later. For now I just hugged Alice back as tight as I could. I noticed there was a slight deviation in her scent. It was much stronger and sweeter somehow, though I still could not fathom how Jacob could think of it as anything close to sickening. My grip was nothing compared to Alice's, (still the weakest being in the room, great!) but I couldn't help but think that, had she held me this tightly before, I would be an oozing puddle in less than a second.

As she released me my eyes caught sight of the most lovely thing I could ever imagine seeing, though my heart could not rejoice. My wonderful angel, but his eyes told of the excruciating conflict still lurking in his mind. I cringed when I thought of how difficult this was for him, not just the last three days, but everyday since we met Cherie. The last time the Cullens went to see Tanya's family (before the whole cliff incident) she said they may be gaining a new member soon. Though she wasn't around at the time, Alice saw her powers and the role they would play in our lives quite clearly, hence her suggestion to go visit them shortly after we arrived home. I'm glad Edward didn't know what Cherie's powers were at the time, or he may never have agreed to go. Cherie's main power is as a telepath, she can communicate with her mind, but she holds another power which can be quite useful, as we came to find out. She can see auras, which, as she informed Edward, are mirrors of the soul. Of course, Edward immediately realized that Alice had known this all along, but now that someone could test his theory, Edward would not be satisfied until he knew the truth. Cherie showed him for himself that he did have a soul, and a very powerful one as she describes it. No one else could truly understand why he was so torn apart by the news. This should be a wonderful thing! If he had a soul, then he could change me without worrying about destroying mine! But it meant something different to Edward. Class was nothing, but a repetitive and unsuccessful attempt at some sort of distraction. His nights were wide open, he couldn't sleep. It was his sorrow, and his theory which filled his mind at night, and during class when he didn't really need to learn the Pythagorean theorem, or the table of elements or even Euclidean Geometry. Although eternal damnation isn't the happiest of subjects, isn't emptiness worse?

"Come on Bella, we brought, umm, take out, it's in the yard. Hope you like elk. We'll get you some new clothes too. You're still covered in blood, it tends to spread when you throw yourself around like that. Edward you'll just have to greet her, 'eh hem, properly later. Clean up the pillows while you're waiting."

Alice rushed me off to feed and take a shower before Edward could object. The odd part was he didn't seem to even attempt to argue the point, he just started robotically picking up the pillows and dragging them down to the garbage. I didn't think it would be this hard for him to adjust, I thought he would at least want to spend some time with me to _try_ to adjust, but now it almost seemed like he was glad to be rid of me. I knew I was a force to be reckoned with as a vampire but Edward's irrational moods always made me feel helpless. All I could do now was speed through my shower and try to convince myself he just needed time to absorb the situation.

As I stepped out of the shower I noticed that I didn't see any of my clothes in the bathroom. Hadn't Alice said they were on the door? But the only clothes there were Rosalie's, and they didn't fit me right. I was going to be alone with Edward for the first time as a vampire, I didn't exactly want to point out the ways in which I could never measure up to that bombshell.

"Alice, where are my clothes?" I asked as softly as if she was standing next to me, and in a couple seconds she was.

"There right here on the door, like I told you."

"Couldn't someone get me a pair of _my_ clothes or at least Esme's?" I almost whined. "Roses are ... loose, in some very .. unflattering areas."

"Not anymore they aren't." Alice pointed out giggling as she turned me towards the mirror. "We told you to expect some physical changes."

True, I had expected physical changes, but I was thinking maybe, the bump on my nose would disappear, along with old scars etc. As I examined myself in the mirror I noticed that a lot of what I expected to change had changed. My skin was paler, my eyes were now bright topaz (though I suspect the elk had something to do with that) and of course I was free of general imperfections but also, I had curves. Not much, just enough to pull off an actual hourglass. I pulled on the clothes and, though I certainly didn't fill them as well as Rose, I must say I was feeling pretty good about the subtle change in my figure.

"Edward won't be able to resist you." Alice joked as I pulled the belt just one notch tighter than the worn one, where I was sure is where Rose hangs it.

I turned my face away, waiting for my cheeks to flush their usual shade, when I realized ... I can't blush, and I hadn't tripped once. Once again a seemingly happy realization turned into pure horror. Edward loved it when I blushed. He enjoyed so much to catch me when I fell, and the sound of my heartbeat was as close to a lullaby as he could get. Maybe the look I saw in his eyes wasn't the loss of his night time ponderings. Could it have been disappointment? We both new things would change between us once I was changed, but I assumed we would be closer. What if this cold body, these glowing eyes, this "perfect" being in the mirror held no interest for him, or even repulsed him? Could the me that I am now somehow remind him of the monster he once saw in himself? No, I couldn't think about that. I reached out to Alice to distract me.

"So, how did I die?" That should be a light enough subject to block out my incessant insecurities.

"Oh, it was a wonderful car wreck, flames, explosions the whole nine yards." Alice was beaming with pride. She was really far too good at this.

Forget tomorrow, Charlie was probably calling Mom right now, if he had finished bawling yet. Someone will have heard the explosion, saw the flames or ... no, no, have to keep my mind on happy things.

"How far did you have to go, to wrangle that elk?" Light hearted, probably a funny story there, a little death involved, but that was usually the way things were around here.

"Ha, you don't even want to know, but I'll tell you about that later. Edward's waiting." She seemed more excited than usual.

I marched back to Edwards room as slowly as my new found speed would allow, which wasn't very slow at all. The nagging fear had barely had a chance to return before I reached his door, but it was strong as ever. For an instant I actually regretted being bitten, but once again, too late to turn back. I gently swung open his door which promptly flew off it's hinges and fell to the floor (still hadn't gotten the hang of that) but oddly enough I barely noticed the door. What I did notice was the amazing transformation in the room. The only light came from candles, with the stars and moon shining through the window which acted as the south wall, adding a celestial glow, and every surface of the room was filled with bushes, baskets, vases, bowls and strings of freesia and lavender. There was a path of rose petals leading to the couch, over the couch there was a woven vine sprinkled with the delicate purple blooms, and hanging from the vine was a modest, but elegant, diamond ring. If I had still needed to breath, I would have died right there. There was no way for me to catch my breath. This was gorgeous, breathtaking. As I neared the couch in stunned silence I heard a low, playful growl behind me, and I turned to see my angel, just as he pounced and pinned me to the couch, and in his eyes, more beautiful than the ring or the room was a renewed light and tranquility I had never seen before, for the first time in a century he was truly alive.

We had been laying there a few hours, and everything had finally had a chance to sink in. This was my life, this was real, not a dream, or a wish, or a daydream. Edward really loved me and we had really been laying here discussing our eternal future together for the past ... I don't know how many hours.

"So did Alice clue you in on the story?" Edward's perfect voice interrupted my thoughts.

"What story?" Was he talking about the elk? Was it that interesting?

"How you died."

"Oh, yeah ... car crash, explosion .. whole nine yards. You know, you really worried me earlier." My earlier musings had made a disturbing intrusion into my perfect night.

"Why is that?"

"Well, you just didn't seem too anxious to spend time with me, or very concerned with what was going on with me at all after I came around." He leaned in closer. "I guess you were just preoccupied, but you seemed angry. It really unnerved me." I finished as he leaned down and softly brushed his lips across my cheek.

"Mm Hmm. What would I possibly have to be angry about."

"I don't know. I thought maybe I didn't appeal to you anymore." He tried to stifle a chuckle. "Well, before that I thought maybe you had just suffered too much. I mean, we've all had to make sacrifices in the past year or so but I know that you, by far, have suffered the most, I thought it might be getting to be a bit too much for you."

"Well I suppose it could be interpreted that I have given much of myself, but believe me, it was mostly for my own happiness." He reached down and kissed me a little stronger than usual on the mouth (no need to be gentle now). "Besides I got my stress relief today at the crash site, I've been dying to get rid of that thing for far too long." He rose from the couch and made his way to the door as his last comment sunk in.

"Wait a minute, car wreck? Edward! You wrecked my truck!?" Now I'm gonna get him.

"Remember Bella, we all must make sacrifices!" He was grinning from ear to ear as he ran out the door, I was hot on his heels. Sacrifices my butt, he's gonna pay for this one.

Fin.


End file.
